Sunday, November 15, 2009

Just Another Post

This isn't going to be one of those academically-oriented posts that Calliopia finds so boring; I ought to warn you that it also probably won't contain sage words and profound insights into the fundamental truths of life. No, sirree. This is just another post about a topic that has been discussed almost to death : love.

See, what I don't get about this whole concept of love (not the divine kind - although I have a few questions on that too, for another time)is how it's supposed to be the definition of perfect bliss and excruciating pain all at the same time, and how, despite it's seemingly ambiguous, arbitrary and completely fickle nature, so many of us seem to be addicted to it. Is it love, or is it the idea of being in love that has us hooked? No profound observations yet - I did warn you.

In spite of countless attempts, for centuries nobody has ever been able to define love; at best there have been some very good descriptions of the nature of, the effects of, the characteristics of love. For my part, I would like to add that Love is a very wet thing. And by wet, I specifically mean the kind of wetness that emits from the eyes...tears, some call it. Hah, and you thought I was talking about the other kind.

Anyway, not to meander too long from what prompted this post in the first place. In short, I received a call from a girl friend of mine, a very tearful call, in fact, this evening. We all know the story - her guy, with whom she'd been involved in this extremely hopeless love-triangle, did the unthinkable (actually, not so unexpected, considering his complete inability to commit to either of the women involved), and got the other woman pregnant. She ranted, raved, raged, and threatened to commit some act of violence involving hammers, pistols, and other assorted weapons. However, once she ran out of really graphic (and painful) descriptions of what she would do to him, what remained was that elusive emotion called love. She wanted to hate him, but it didn't work. Well, maybe the hate will come later, but right now, she's making excuses for him. She knows what she's doing, and she still can't help doing it because this thing is bigger than her.

So, what is it about us that we jump into situations and stay there, fully aware of the potentials of getting hurt - again? Are we suckers for pain? Is it some masochistic impulse that keeps us going back for more? Should we run as fast as our bare feet can carry us the moment we are threatened with this thing? Are we simply kidding ourselves when we chalk down a failed relationship as "a mistake" and then look toward the horizon, to that new person we've just met, and think "maybe this is The One"?

I don't know. I have no answers. But I like to think that this refusal to learn our lessons, to 'wisen up', is, in fact, courage of the most heroic order. To risk ourselves getting hurt again and again, to refuse to lose hope.... maybe that is just another evidence of the indomitable spirit of mankind. And maybe the small victories make up for the huge losses. Or maybe the losses are, after all, in the end, victories.

PS: I'm sorry Miss Calliopia, I can't seem to find out how to make my fonts smaller...been out of touch for that long!


  1. Ah, the question is too profound for me to even attempt a tiny atom of an answer. It's nice to have your old self of a post on the blog, though.

  2. Thanks, mesjay. Yeah, I just keep wondering why we willingly set ourselves up to the risk of getting hurt again and again. Maybe it's the eternal optimism of the human spirit that's at work here. I have no answers either. Thanks for the visit. :)

  3. "a topic that has been discussed almost to death : love."
    So true. But I never get tired of talking about it!

    First of all I believe the concept of Love is one of the most interpreted, re-interpreted and misinterpreted.

    I have been conducting my own research on love and this is what I found out. I will start with what I think it isn't.

    A lot of us think love will give us happiness that we do not have: wrong. Happiness comes from within, it is left to us to find out how. The more we run after what we think is our happiness (while it is all along within us) the more it eludes us and the more anguish we come across.

    Some think love means making something/someone our own, an acquisition, an act of possessing something: wrong.

    Love does happen (oh yeah, and I have actually had the good fortune of seeing it happen!) to people who are perfectly capable of being by themselves but CHOOSE to be with the other person. So it is not an emotional addiction. It is not a dependency. It is not a parasitic relationship. It so goes with eastern philosophy. It is like water. You can hold it in your hands. But if you try to squeeze it tight, it will be gone.

    'Each to his own' is very true too! Just because many relationships fail does not mean my own would. And just because I also see some amazing relationships that are very successful and inspiring does not mean mine would be so too. It on the other hand would entirely depend on the two individuals who choose to get into the relationship and how they deal with it.

    Love as an emotion can come and go. You can fall in and you can fall out. But real love requires your will to stay in it. It runs on your actions that you take to show your love. Most people give too much importance to that falling-in-love kind of love that may not last unless it is accompanied by strong action.

    There can't be love without a strong foundation of a friendship.

    Do read the book The Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck. He has studies thousands of relationships and tried to find out what isn't and what IS love. I love that book! :)

    Real love requires a lot of emotional maturity. It is something we technologically advanced humans are very short of.

    I would love to read your post on your questions on the divine kind too!

  4. I echo mesjay's sentiments. Nice to have you , your old self as opposed to you the scholar, back again :) About your questions, here's my two bit. To love and to be loved is something that's inbuilt in human nature and hope springs eternal in the human breast so perhaps that's why we keep banging our heads against the wall. Closet sadomasochists or just plain pigheaded, why indeed?

  5. Nice read, well written etc etc. It’s good to see you back in action.

    Completely agree with claytonia vices up there. Love is not something you chase or seek, it’s something you own, something inside you, and the more love you give the more you will receive in return (do I sound like a preacher?)

  6. @claytonia vices: wow! now that's profound. Thanks for sharing the fruits of your research. I have read The Road Less Travelled; I came across it when I was sixteen, and loved it. I should probably dust the cover and re-read it, thanks.

    @calliopia: about that dig about my 'scholar self' ...thanks, I think :) We should get together and organise a seminar on Love, dontcha think? :P

    @aduhi: Heyyy, how are you? You can preach all you like, you'd still be the prettiest + smartest preacher around, so that's ok :)

  7. I am singing Haddaway's song: "What is love???? Baby don't hurt me... don't hurt me... no more..." as I read this post and Vikas' insightful comment. :)

    Ps. lolz, naughty you at the "wet" statement :P

  8. by the way, are you in love, sis? hihi

  9. @Illusionaire :bet you have quite a few things to say on the topic of love yourself :p

    @ Fonzc: thanks, bro. About the question, no comment :P